World of Hurt, BC

*Diner Employee:* How long you been standing there, freak?*Diner Customer:* What are you, some sort of Chinaman?*Xavier:* I wish I knew myself.*Diner Employee:* We don’t cotton to strange Chinaman with no sense of self who stand secretly by for indeterminate amounts of time. Gonna put you in a world of hurt.*(The employee and the customer both attack Xavier.)* *Attackers:* Take that! Taste the pain! —————————— *Television Reporter:* I’m here to announce that we have discovered the oldest cave drawing known to man.*(The reporter gestures to a crude drawing of Xavier.)**Television Reporter:* The figure is a rather ugly creature, possibly a Chinaman of some sort… —————————— *Xavier:* I’m going to have to go back in time and find who did this painting, and what it means. But how?*Diner Employee in Thought Balloon:* *(repeats)* Every cigarette takes seventeen minutes off your life.*Diner Customer in Thought Balloon:* *(repeats)* Every slice of bacon takes nine minutes off your life.*Xavier:* Can you dumb it down a notch?*Diner Customer in Thought Balloon:* If you smoke and eat bacon fast enough, you can go back in time. —————————— *Caveman:* *Ooga-booga.* How long you stand there, freak? You some kind of *ooga-booga* Chinaman? Me put you in world of hurt.*(The caveman attacks Xavier.)**Caveman:* Take that! *Ooga-booga.* Taste the pain! —————————— *(Xavier talks to a bruised cavewoman.)**Cavewoman:* My husband. He only does ’cause he love me.*Xavier:* No. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Maybe he does it because you’re stupid.*Cavewoman:* Maybe.*Xavier:* Well, if that’s love, I’d like to make some love *(shakes his fist)* to his mouth.